Part 14

Conrad, exploring the secret hideout, has a flash of brilliance and comes up with an idea that could revolutionise his life.

More cyborgs. I thought these dudes only worked for that TV company? Maybe they're available on contract.

A switch here makes another section of wall move aside in an adjoining area. The theme of this area seems to be traps and secret passages.

Switch pressed, we head back to the first area and take a different path.

This is one of those traps I mentioned. The colourful thing on the floor below is a robot mouse, and it moves constantly back and forth. Every time it passes through the tripswitch, the gun turret fires. The objective is to press the switch under the turret.

Oh yeah, and the mouse explodes when it touches you. Between the various dangers it is utterly, UTTERLY impossible to pull the switch without losing health. I will hear no argument to the contrary. This game is France's revenge for Agincourt, I'm sure of it.

Anyway, my shield absorbed the damage and I was free to hit the button, which turned off an LGSB on the lowest level. A key I picked up near that cyborg earlier opens the door, and Conrad has foiled another layer of security.

The lift takes us up to this place, where that section of wall moved aside.

The traps are getting more creative. Two trapdoors trigger one after the other and deposit you on the lowest level.

I don't know if it's possible to get into that little room with the switch and the save point, but it doesn't seem to be necessary. Presumably the switch turns off that LGSB, but whatever it's guarding can't be too important.

This elevator is the only way we can go, now.

A tell-tale robot wang peers out from behind some crates. Swiftly dealt with.

There's a devious little arrangement in the next room. We need to climb up to the top level, but those tripswitches both activate one of the gun turrets, and it's impossible to get into a ledge grab without triggering either.

Hm. It seems like, if I had turned off the LGSB from the room above, I'd have been able to drop down onto the ledge with the switch without having to get through this. Mystery solved.

The solution I eventually found for this arrangement was to start on the far right of the platform, start running, and go into one of those illogical running grabby ledgey jumps. It seems Conrad is granted brief invincibility during certain animations. The start of a running jump is one of them. Drawing your gun seems to be another. Anyway, the gun fires and hits nothing, and crafty bug exploitation wins the day.

The route takes us to this key. Where did we last see a key lock?

That's right, in this room. Good to see you're still paying attention.

A cyborg is waiting for us in the next room, perched rather stupidly on the edge of the platform.

In the next room, a single solitary mine blocks the way. Christ, it's like they're not even trying anym-

Cheeses of Nazareth! We are suddenly introduced to the mobile LGSB! It's chasing Conrad! Walk faster, damn it!

It can also somehow move over gaps in its relentless pursuit. I think I had a nightmare that went like this once.

At the end of the hall, a dead end. We have to kill the robot sphere before the door will open.

I don't know if this applies to all versions but LGSBs make a very obnoxious incessant humming sound, which really helps drive the urgency of this sequence. Anyway, Conrad rolls blindly through a gap and falls down a ventilation shaft.

His air soles save the day again, but what have we stumbled upon?

It's Character with Short Brown Hair number 7,241!

Some mysterious blue lumpy thing is joining in the conversation.

Conrad is so surprised he grows a face.

"I'll just talk about our secret plans a little bit louder in case the neighbours want in on this."

The screws holding Conrad's perch in place are falling out. What kind of architect doesn't design his ventilation shafts to accommodate armed intruders?

The vent collapses in a very poorly-timed screengrab. Also, Conrad turns into a pirate.

I'd ask why they don't just kill him but it's far too late in the game for things to start making sense.

Scant seconds after our imprisonment, two cyborgs arrive to duff us up.

They're not the sharpest tools in the box.

They also left a loaded gun lying around about ten feet away.

All things considered that was probably the worst interrogation ever.

Oh look, and there's a key to the exit lying around here, too. I thought failing to strap Conrad into the memory sucking chair was the highlight of the bad guys' ineptitude but they just keep smashing that record.

Free again, but somehow the victory is unsatisfying, like beating a retard at Scrabble.

Next update: Morph And Mindy